Welcome to One Thing Better. Each week, the editor in chief of Entrepreneur magazine (that’s me) shares one way to achieve a breakthrough at work — and build a career or company you love.
Today’s edition is sponsored by UKG’s HR & Payroll eSymposium, the best event for HR and payroll pros! More details below.
You’re envious of someone.
Why? Pick the reason. They make more money than you. Accomplish more than you. Their career is bigger. Their title is cooler.
By comparison, you feel small.
You already know that comparison is the thief of joy. I don’t need to tell you that — and anyway, knowing it doesn’t help.
So today, I’ll give you something that actually helps: I’ll show you how the people you envy aren’t as enviable as you think — and how you can celebrate what you have.
But to start, I’ll share something a little embarrassing:
I can be a jealous bastard
In my 20s, I aspired to be a successful writer. But I couldn’t read anything written by successful young writers. They’d done what I desired, and it made me seethe with envy.
Then I got some success myself, and my goals shifted. Being a “successful writer” no longer felt satisfying enough. Now I needed to make more money, or build more things — which meant I had new, different people to envy.
As PJ Vogt said on his podcast Search Engine: “The desire to succeed can give you what you want, while at the same time removing your ability to enjoy it.”
But along the way, something fascinating happened to me:
Because of my job, I get to meet a lot of the people I’m envious of. Sometimes we become friends. Or I become friends with their friends.
And that pulled back the curtain in a way I didn’t expect…
There’s always more to the story
When we are envious of someone, all we see are their accomplishments.
But we don’t see what it took to get there. Or what’s pushing them. Or what was traded along the way.
I am still surprised by these revelations — even though, at this point, the pattern is predictable. For example, here are real examples with names removed…
- It’s the business podcaster whose reach I was envious of… but who, it turns out, watches his download numbers nonstop every day, and who feels a crushing anxiety if the numbers aren’t always up.
- It’s the best-selling writer whose sales I was envious of… but who, it turns out, drove those sales by constantly taking advantage of people, and who has burned every professional bridge.
- It’s the CEO whose company is soaring… but who, it turns out, is on the road nonstop, can never see friends, and is beyond exhausted.
I remember interviewing the celebrity chef David Chang (above). His Momofuku restaurant group is a smash hit, he had a Netflix show, his cookbooks are best sellers — in short, he is the envy of many chefs.
But, he told me, that success was the product of depression and anger. “I was a really bad boss — yelling, screaming,” he said. “And I’m looking back being like, Man, I got there, but were there other ways?”
We all make tradeoffs
Not all successful people are miserable, of course. I’ve met many wonderful, joyful, generous, successful people. But they’ve all made some kind of tradeoff.
To achieve something enviable, you must trade in something valuable.
I do this in my own way, even right now. I’m writing this newsletter on a Saturday at 11 am, because I didn’t have time during the workweek. Just an hour ago, my young son asked if I’d play with him in the basement. I told him I couldn’t, because I had to work.
Would you make the same choice? It’s OK if you wouldn’t. I’m not sure I’ve made the right one myself.
What did they choose?
The next time you feel envious of someone, stop to ask yourself these questions:
- What choice did I make? Think about a decision you made, perhaps a long time ago, because it made you happy.
- What benefit did it create? What do you have now, as a result of that choice, you really value — and that you’d be envious of, if someone else had it?
- What would have happened if you took the other path? Where would it have led? Would that happiness truly be better than the happiness you have now?
This is something I talk a lot about with my wife, Jen. She’s written five books. And like most (or all) authors, she has never been happy with her sales numbers.
Jen edits this newsletter each week. When she read an earlier draft of today’s newsletter, and got to the part above about me sacrificing basement time with our son, she told me: “OK, but no amount of basement sacrifices could make my books sell better.”
“That might be true,” I said. “But think about a more foundational choice you made.”
I reminded her of her history: She published her first book at age 25. It was a reported exploration of Israeli and Palestinian teenagers. Her agent told her to write more books about the Middle East, but Jen didn’t want to. Jen is endlessly curious, and wanted to write and explore many topics and genres.
As a result, she parted ways with her agent.
That agent went on to be a superstar, repping some of the biggest writers today. Jen went on to do as she dreamed — writing a wide range of novels, young adult books, and even a romantic comedy coauthored by me!
“If you stuck with the Middle East, you might have owned that niche and sold more copies of books,” I told her. “But that wouldn’t have made you happy.”
“That’s true,” she said.
Jen wants more book sales, sure — but she optimized for something else. And that accomplishment is also worth being envious of.
The point is to live intentionally
It’s time to stop thinking about other people’s accomplishments. Those things are not in our control. They also don’t tell a full story.
Instead, let’s just think about choices.
If we had infinite lives, we could make infinite choices. Wouldn’t that be fun.
But we don’t. Instead, the best we can do is make our own choices, and appreciate our own accomplishments.
Yes, sure, we’ll sometimes envy someone else’s accomplishments — though not necessarily the choices they made to get them. Jen might want more book sales, but she is happier having not limited herself. I might want a larger audience, but I am happier not obsessing over my numbers, like that podcaster I met.
You can’t have it all. But you can certainly have enough. So optimize for that.
That’s how to do one thing better.
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