Welcome to One Thing Better. Each week, the editor in chief of Entrepreneur magazine (that’s me) shares one way to achieve a breakthrough at work — and build a career or company you love.
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You’re stuck in a high-stakes moment, and it’s driving you crazy.
Maybe you’re waiting for someone to get back to you, and you’re convinced this is your one shot at success. Or you’re facing a big decision, and you feel like your future hangs in the balance.
Either way, you’ve turned this moment into make-or-break. So here’s what you need to know:
We’re often WRONG about how important things really are.
Today, I’ll show you how to escape this trap — by building what I call a low-stakes mindset. You’ll make better choices with less anxiety, and end up with better results.
To show you how it works, let’s start with a recent situation from my home…
The dangers of high stakes
Our oldest son is 10 years old, and he went to sleepaway camp for the first time this summer. But he was hesitant and nervous.
So the camp made him a great offer: He could go for just two weeks — and if he was having fun, he could extend for a third week. He agreed.
He left in late June. Then my wife, Jen, became obsessed with whether he’d stay that third week. She thought about it regularly, and sent our son messages trying to nudge him towards staying.
Why was she so focused on this? She told me: “If he comes home after two weeks, then he’s never going to go back to camp.”
Her logic was this: Camp takes time to adjust to. If our son only gave it two weeks, he’d miss that feeling of belonging and bonding. But if he stayed for three weeks, then he’d feel it — and want to return in the future.
This is why she was so worried. So much was riding on his decision.
The dangers of stakes
When Jen said that about camp, a pattern clicked in my head:
I’d heard this kind of thinking before — from her, and from many others.
For example, Jen has written five books. At some point during the process of every book, she’s told me: “If this doesn’t go well, I’ll never be able to write another book.”
Meanwhile, a friend applied for a job and told me: “If I don’t get it, my career will be derailed.”
An entrepreneur I know was afraid to launch a new product, and said to me: “If people don’t like the first version, the whole business will die.”
In essence, everyone’s saying: What happens next will change everything.
But wait. Do we actually know that?
In truth, no.
How to lower the stakes
Like everyone, I can get caught up in this thinking too. But I often manage to avoid it.
For example, while Jen was worrying about our son’s camp decision, I was just thinking: I hope he has fun and stays longer, but it’s fine if he comes home early.
So I asked myself: Why was I less concerned than Jen was? What was going on in my head, that others might learn from?
Then I realized: I’ve convinced myself that everything I see is only one data point in a much more complex calculation.
We like to draw clean, simple, basic lines between things: A leads to Z. This child’s decision today will dictate his actions tomorrow. This book’s success will dictate opportunities tomorrow.
But that’s not true. In reality, outcomes are driven by many invisible inputs.
In the case of camp, we had no idea what our son was thinking, or how the experience will impact him, or how he’ll grow and mature over the coming year. Therefore, we can’t truly anticipate what’s coming next, or how today’s decision will impact tomorrow’s actions.
That shouldn’t be a problem. That should be liberation. It means the stakes are much lower than we think, and the future is more flexible and shapeable.
Develop a low-stakes mindset
If you’re stuck in high-stakes thinking, here’s how to bring those stakes down. Just follow this three-step process:
Step 1: Start with your current scenario
For example, let’s just keep going with this camp situation.
Step 2: Imagine things not going the way you wanted
For example, our son comes home after two weeks.
Step 3: Create three realistic positive outcomes from that
Show yourself, very logically, how something “bad” can lead to something good. Make some realistic assumptions!
For example…
Let’s say our son comes home after two weeks. Why? Because he was homesick. But he also had fun and made great friends at camp. Some of those kids live near us — so we’ll set up playdates over the next year, allowing those friendships to flourish. And then, next summer, our son will be excited to go back to camp with his friends, and will feel less homesick.
I could easily come up with two more just like that.
The point is: There are infinite possible variations of a situation. Infinite ways that life might unfold. We cannot be certain of any one path, which means it’s pointless to worry about which one we take.
What’s within our control?
Ultimately, this is all about control. We want things to work out clearly and perfectly, exactly the way we want them to, and we struggle when we cannot control the outcomes ourselves.
There’s good news here, though: There’s plenty you still can control! Because once a decision is made, or once you know the result, you can control your reaction.
That’s what we’re now doing at home.
In the end, our son came home after two weeks. We welcomed him with big hugs. Turns out, he had a great time at camp. He made friends, and his bunk loved him. But he was a little overwhelmed and needed the comforts of home. From our living room, he sent a note to his bunkmates that said: “I love you all.”
Will he go back next year? He’s open to it. There’s plenty of time to discuss. And we’ll try to remember: No matter what, the stakes are low.
That’s how to do one thing better.
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