Welcome to One Thing Better. Each week, the editor in chief of Entrepreneur magazine (that’s me) shares one way to achieve a breakthrough at work — and build a career or company you love.
Today’s edition is sponsored by Stan, the best way to make money selling your knowledge online. More details at the bottom.
Hey, OTB community! I’m trying something new today.
Readers often email me great questions. In this email, I’m going to share three answers, like a Dear Abby Jason advice column.
The questions are:
- Can spouses give good advice?
- How do I hit reset on my career?
- Do I really have to sell myself on social?
If you like this format, I’ll do more of it! Let me know by replying (and/or sending me more questions!)
Ready? Here we go…
1. Can spouses give good feedback?
After reading last week’s newsletter about advice, Tatiana Dumitru asked me this:
My husband is incredibly supportive, but he’s also an engineer, so he’s super realistic. Every time I bring up a new idea or business opportunity, he immediately points out all the reasons it might not work. Not because he doesn’t believe in me, but because he wants to protect me from investing time and energy into something that might lead to disappointment.
While I do appreciate that honesty, it can stop me from pursuing things I’m genuinely excited about. I wonder: Are partners or spouses the best people to ask for advice, especially in business decisions? Or are they too close to give the kind of feedback we need?
I think it’s great to ask partners or spouses for advice, so long as these three things are also true:
- You are prepared (and your partner is prepared!) for you to not take their advice.
- If things go wrong, the phrase “I told you so” is not allowed.
- You ask other people for advice too.
I know — this can be emotional. If we ask a partner or spouse for advice, and then we don’t take their advice, they might feel ignored. But that’s the wrong way to think about it. This is a simple issue of logic, and it looks like this:
If you always ask your partner for advice, and you always take their advice, then you’re always locked into their perspective — and that robs you of personal agency.
Your partner must understand: You are the CEO of your life, and they are simply your closest advisor. The CEO’s job is to hear many perspectives, and then to decide. An advisor’s job is to add a meaningful perspective, and to then support the final decision.
That’s not to say your husband’s perspective is worthless! In fact, Tatiana, I think your husband is playing an important role. In any business decision — and frankly, in any life decision — there are always “reasons it might not work.” It’s important to hear them, consider them, and, if you decide to go forward, have answers for them.
Don’t view your husband’s feedback as discouragement; just view it as a tool to strengthen your argument. His “no” can help you reach a more confident, clear, and prepared “yes.”
2. How do I hit reset on my career?
A reader I’ll call Diane just asked me:
I am in a period of transition and uncertainty. I took a 15-month medical leave of absence from my job, and embarked upon a difficult quest of self-reflection. Then I returned and realized: I have changed, but this job has not.
I’m now planning an escape. I want a new career. I want to write a memoir. I have ideas for side gigs in residential landscaping and as a private chef. I’m also a full-time single mom — so my ambitions now seem both daunting and exciting. What advice would you offer as I take my first (anxiety-inducing) steps?
I’m excited for you, Diane!
When people feel stuck in a job, they often get tunnel vision — unable to imagine future paths. You’ve done the opposite: You detached from your job, and are now overwhelmed by the infinite options ahead.
That’s a much better problem to have. So here are two things I strongly advise:
Step 1: Pace yourself.
There’s something called “the tyranny of choice” — it’s the distress and paralysis of facing too many options. The best way to combat this is to focus and move slowly but steadily. Take one small step, then another, and build momentum.
Start like this: Make a list of everything you want to do in the next few years. Now ask: Which one or two of these will be most impactful, and are most within reach right now?
Maybe you’ll get to the other ideas later — or maybe not. That’s ok too! The road ahead will be full of surprises. It will require time and exploration, and the greatest joys of tomorrow will likely not come from the list you make today. They will come from the lived experiences you haven’t lived yet. Which means your top priority is to just start moving forward and living!
And as you do this…
2. Find your new people.
Change can feel lonely, because it can feel like leaving something behind. But change is also the act of going somewhere new — and wherever you’re going, you’re in good company.
Find the people who share your new thinking, and relate to your new vision, and are seeking that for themselves too. You want folks who relate to who you’re becoming, not just who you were. These people will give you new ideas, and new belonging, and new energy. You will be on a path together.
This was critical as I evolved my own career. And here’s the simple way I expanded my network: I was relentlessly proactive.
When I find someone interesting or exciting, I make the effort to keep in touch. Emails, texts, voice memos, suggestions to get coffee, invitations to things. Sometimes it goes nowhere, which is too bad. But sometimes it produces incredible new friends who inspire and drive me.
In short, Diane: Narrow your focus and expand your network. The adventure begins.
3. Do I really have to sell myself on social?
A few months ago, I wrote about how to promote yourself. A realtor I’ll call Tim emailed me:
There are many realtors where I live, and they’re all trying to be funny on social media. Do I need to do that too? Because honestly, I detest it. And when I try social, I don’t see great results anyway. I want to stand out and be noticed, but I’m not sure how.
Tim, you’re essentially asking this question: “Should I do what my peers are doing?”
But you should really be asking: “What actually drives business? And what are my peers missing?”
As you know, I’m a big advocate for personal branding. I even created a course on it. If you have the time and bandwidth, I do think it’s worth finding your voice on social. Doesn’t have to be funny; it just has to be you.
But as we look at what other people do on social (or anywhere), it’s most important to remember this:
The gulf between “what looks good” and “what actually matters” can be very large.
For example, I have a friend who goes on national TV a lot, and I (jealously) assumed it drove a ton of business for her. But she recently told me it doesn’t. It’s a lot of time and energy for basically nothing, and she’s wondering why she keeps doing it.
This reminds me of a realtor I once met, who also didn’t like doing social media. He built his entire (thriving!) business off of community events. He went to local events, then sponsored them, then started organizing them himself. He says it worked great.
So, Tim, I give you permission: Do not make funny realtor videos! You don’t want to do it, and the world doesn’t need more of it anyway. Instead, just figure out what drives results — and do that.
So, dear readers, what did you think? Did you like this? Should I do more mailbag editions? Send thoughts (or questions!) by replying, or emailing me at hellojasonfeifer@gmail.com.
And if you’d like my help in more direct ways, I’m available for 1:1 consulting and virtual or in-person talks with your team!
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